Delayed Ejaculation (DE) is more common than you might think, but very few sex therapists know how to treat it. I’m a Manhattan sex therapist with 30+ years’ experience helping men in NYC solve ejaculation problems. I’m also an MD, so I understand how the mind and body work together. If sex is giving you more stress than pleasure because you can’t ejaculate with your partner, contact me for state-of-the-art treatment of Delayed Ejaculation today.
As a sex therapist, I’ve successfully treated many hundreds of men for Delayed Ejaculation. And I’m often struck by the disconnect between what’s published online about DE and the clinical reality.
Medical websites often list a variety of psychological causes for DE: stress, psychiatric disorders, or other emotional problems. There’s also typically a list of medical causes – many of them quite serious: multiple sclerosis, spinal cord injury, etc.
But most men I see for Delayed Ejaculation – especially younger men – tell me they’ve always had trouble ejaculating with a partner. They don’t have any of the psychological or medical causes listed online. Instead, their DE most often has what you might call a natural cause: a longstanding tendency to require a lot of stimulation to climax.
Effective treatment for DE doesn’t usually involve treatment for a mental disorder. And it doesn’t usually require a medical investigation either.
What it does require is the following:
In most cases, a single consultation visit should be all that’s needed to accomplish these things.
If you’d like to learn more about my approach to DE and its treatment, the following articles might be a good place to start:
If you’re interested in learning more about whether treatment for DE might be helpful for you, feel free to contact me HERE.
When I first started out as a sex therapist thirty years ago, I was taught that trouble ejaculating was rare, that it was very hard to treat, and that it usually suggested deep-rooted psychological problems.
We now know these are all total myths. The reality is that difficulty ejaculating is rather common. And it’s usually not that hard to treat, once you know how.
As I discuss in my article, Sex Tips for Married Lovers, men tend to think once they’re hard they’re ready to have intercourse. Big mistake. A man can be hard but not fully psychologically aroused.
Most men with high orgasm thresholds develop particular masturbation techniques to enable them to reach orgasm most efficiently.
Often these techniques are difficult to adapt to partner sex. Treatment often involves adjusting masturbation technique, changing partner sex techniques, and paying more attention to the subtleties of psychological arousal.
In addition, some men with Delayed Ejaculation masturbate compulsively in order to relieve tension or boredom. Often these men find they get much better results if they limit themselves to only masturbating when they feel genuinely aroused.
Most therapists have little to no experience treating men who can’t ejaculate. I’ve treated hundreds of men with Delayed Ejaculation — including some who’ve never ejaculated in their lives. I know what tends to work, and what doesn’t.
Most men with Delayed Ejaculation penetrate too quickly before they’re fully psychologically aroused. And they continue intercourse for 20, 30, or 40 minutes — far beyond the point where they have any realistic chance of ejaculating.
They think there’s something psychologically wrong with him because he has trouble ejaculating. In reality, it’s usually just that he has a high orgasm threshold and simply needs to learn how to accommodate to that fact.
About half of the men who consult me for DE are single, so you’re in good company. In fact, many men with partners prefer to come in alone, which is fine.
Many men with DE can be treated in just one 90 minute consultation session. Usually, it’s just a matter of understanding what your DE is all about, and learning specific techniques to deal with it. Additional sessions are as-needed.
You can expect a better understanding of why you have trouble ejaculating, and a list of specific things you can do about it right away.
Yes, sometimes it does. And some men experience DE for the first time as they get older. But many older men find that learning to enhance arousal helps them climax more reliably with a partner. The key is learning to work with your arousal patterns at any age.
This is one of the most common concerns among partners of men with DE. Most often, Delayed Ejaculation has nothing to do with attraction. Most partners feel relieved once they understand this.
Sure. But stress or anxiety is rarely the main factor. Stress (especially stress about DE) can interfere with your ability to get to a high enough level of arousal to climax. And worrying about DE can certainly make DE worse. Learning to manage your DE can be the best stress reliever of all.
Without question. After all, your body isn’t just built to simply deliver orgasms on command. Your arousal is going to vary based on stress, fatigue, relationship issues, and many other factors. Consistency usually improves once you gain awareness of how aroused you really are (or aren’t) in the moment.
Not necessarily. The goal isn't to eliminate masturbation, but to make sure you're only doing it when you feel genuinely aroused (rather than just to relieve tension, alleviate boredom, or prove something to yourself). I'll help you figure out what makes sense in your specific situation.