Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship
Praise For Love Worth Making
Winner, 2018 Nautilus Gold Book Award for Relationships and Communication
What made you write this book?
Necessity, mostly. I was looking for a book to help patients in my office understand sexual emotions. I couldn’t find one, so I realized I’d have to write it myself.
What do you mean, “sexual emotions”?
You know, the good feelings you get when you’re sexually aroused. There’s not much written about those feelings. Or about how to take care of them in a committed relationship.
Sexual emotions are basically infantile. Show me two people having great sex, and I’ll guarantee you neither of them is inhabiting a fully adult state of mind.
Once you understand that sexual emotions are infantile, most sex advice makes no sense. For instance, the idea of “working on your sexual relationship.” Your infantile sexual self has no idea what the word “work” even means. Definitely not the way to go.
Is your book very technical?
Not at all. If you’re looking for how to have great sex for years with someone you care about, then all the sexual science in the world isn’t going to help you very much.
If it’s not technical, then what’s in it?
As I mentioned, it’s all about emotions. The secrets to great sex in a committed relationship are largely emotional.
It’s mostly a collection of stories, of ordinary people learning to solve sexual problems through understanding their emotions.
Stories from your practice?
Yes and no. Each story is what you might call a “deep composite,” based on hundreds of individuals and couples in my office. (After many years, you can’t help seeing patterns).
Has the book found much of an audience?
Nearly 100,000 copies sold. Over 1,000 Amazon reviews. Several foreign translations. People are eager to understand sexual emotions, and they have an intuitive sense that it’s useful.
Did you get any serious push-back about anything in the book?
Some publishers wouldn’t touch it because I discuss how beyond a certain point women’s and men’s sexual emotions tend to differ.
There’s a popular shibboleth that says we’re more alike than different. As a sex therapist, though, I think the differences are pretty stark. So it was either address the issue directly or forever regret my lack of courage.
I decided to face the issue directly, in chapters 7-13. Many couples say these “gender chapters” were the most useful part of the book.
How similar or different is your approach in the book to how you treat patients in your office?
When people are undecided about scheduling with me, I often suggest they read the book first. I’m basically the same person in the book as I am in the office. So if you like the book, you’ll probably find me helpful.
Can I read any of it for free?
Yes, the good folks at St Martin’s Press have let me offer Chapter 1 for free online HERE.